Unwanted Company
by Warzonebeta
Summary: Trapped in the volcano, Wesker makes a deal with a mischievous Demon God an OC of mine to escape...and learns a few things about life along the way. WeskerxClaire later on. chp.3 Wesker knows Ja-Er can erase memories so he's gonna have fun with that.
1. Chapter 1

*DISCLAIMER: i don't own Resident Evil or any of the characters. Ja-Er however IS MINE*

He didn't know how long it had been since his defeat, but at least he had company….

_I spy with my little eye…._

**More fucking lava…fucking magma actually its only lava outside of the volcano**

_You said fucking…thats new_

**I AM IN A FUCKING VOLCANO AND ALIVE DAMMIT YOU TRY NOT CURSING**

_And the fun part is your bonkers… I'm you, you're me…kinda_

**Kinda…?**

_Its more of I'm in your head and your in mine…_

**Then may i ask who you are?**

_Ahem…Ja-Er, Demon God of the Shadows aka Zadkiel, at your service Mr. Wesker_

**And your'e here because…**

_You remember that thing you got rid of a long time ago…_

**My humanity?…**

_No, the other thing…_

**Emotions?…**

_Close…your conscience…_

**I had no use for it therefore i removed it**

_Hehehehehehe_

**Whats so funny?**

_Its ironic…_

**What?**

_I'm the replacement…_

…**And you think I will accept this…why**

_Careful Wesky i made organic matter i can turn you into a chicken…an indestructible chicken hehehehe_

…**Whats the catch?**

_Oh…nothing, nothing...just helping those you hurt…as i said nothing at all_

**NO I WILL NOT AID THOSE….THOSE IMBECILES**

_You don't have to use caps lock to yell ya know…_

…**What**

_..……..forth wall…….my arch nemesis……._

…**Right…**

…_If you wanna get out you have to agree to my terms, its like the Christmas Carol before it was raped with a pickaxe by the Hallmark Channel…minus the four ghosts, plus one omnipresent omnipotent deity…._

…**And if i refuse…**

_We play I-spy till The Rapture cause I'll be busy at that time, but I'll be back after that….to continue I-spy for eternity_

…**Asshole**

…_Don't got one, you however do_

…**Fuck you**

_Sorry if you find me irresistible but I'm straight_

…**FINE I accept on one condition….**

_*sigh* What, Mr. I-am-in-no-condition-to-ask-for-favors_

**No I-spy**

…_Fine…but no guarantee on that… its my favorite game_

**Very well i agree to your terms, now get me out**

_Hehehehehehe okey dokey_

Two brilliant dark blue eyes along with two more dark green ones above them appeared in front of Wesker…then all went black….

The next day Wesker woke up in his bed

"…A dream" he murmured

_Fat chance bucko_

"FUCK"

End…of chapter one


	2. Chapter 2

*Disclaimer: i do not own RE or any of the characters, Ja-Er however is mine*

Note: Ja-Er is given some development here…he makes it his business to piss off other deities…even Jesus

* * *

"Were am I anyway" Wesker seethed

_Alaska…_

"And why is that exactly" he asked

_Because Jack and…I mean Chris and Jill live next door…and Jesus can't find me here, he's scared of Grizzly Bears curtousy of yours truly _

"…One, why are my archenemies next door and two,….do I want to know" Wesker growled

_It all started when I randomly placed trip mines filled with apple sauce and termites in different locations including his workshop…then he gave me a box of fire ants and a really pissed of honey badger…and thus April Fools Day was born…he's a good kid very kind to, however its April in two days_

"…You ignored my first question…" Wesker grumbled

_I haven't seen anything so epic since I started a cat fight between Aphrodite and Artemis while they were covered in honey…minus the sexy_

"Your still…wait what?" Wesker raised an eyebrow

…_I have never been that turned on in my life…I also kinda started the intolerance between all religions…_

"….May I inquire how…" Wesker smirked

_Im a shapeshifter, you do the math_

"Any particular reason why…" Wesker was actually impressed

…_Their god I mean seriously who honestly believes in an old omnipotent bearded dude in the sky, oh and they worship the same dude but deny it_

"….I want to say something…but I won't" Wesker was back to being unimpressed

_By the way the burning bush wasn't a bush_

"Will you answer my first question now" Wesker was not amused

_It was a burning pogo-stick, as for your question, its because i have binoculars and Jill's bathroom window is facing the big wide bedroom window as is her kitchen, patio and both guest room/bathroom windows…_

"There are so many things wrong and concerning with what you said, and why is the bedroom window wide" Wesker was seconds from a facepalm

_No reason just want to see how long before they notice you…oh hey Rebecca and Claire are over, I love being omnipresent sometimes_

"Sometimes?" Wesker's brow lifted

_Ever hear of Two Girls One Cup…being omnipresent I'm forced to watch that overtime someone opens that fucking link, over and over again_

"No I haven't heard of it…it doesn't sound that bad" Wesker smirked

…_.Here's the link enjoy_

"I think I will" Wesker opened the link

The screaming could be heard for miles…

-----Space Station-----

"What the hell was that?" an astronaut asked himself as his head hit the hull

_You should see a doctor_

The man turned, floating a few feet from him was a giant purple and green tarantula, cue excessive screaming.

Oh, and Ja-Er loves his job

_Yes, yes I do…_

END CHAPTER TWO


	3. Wesker says hi

*DISCLAIMER: Ja-Er is mine, Resident Evil is not*

*NOTE: now introducing…JA-ER (physically)"

"You know I have no idea what you look like, I believe I deserve a face to face introduction" Wesker commented

…_Don't scream…_

_"_What?" Wesker looked at in the direction of the voice, a corner of the room

_Here lies the dark, hiding from daylights sight….._

The shadows started moving into the corner, then scratching came from the doors as dark forms squeezed under them and became a flood gooey blackness and of nightmare creatures now speeding like a tsunami into the corner. A massive arm, then another came from the mass of swirling darkness, a form lifted from it bend backward unnaturally, then with a crackling snap lurched forward, a towering, even in the small room, thing now was in front of Wesker. To Wesker it looked like a skeletal dragon with massive black wings dripping black energy, unnaturally long boney arms, and a velociraptor head with four eyes, its ribcage split open showing a large pulsing red energy, its lower body a murky lake of dark energy, almost looking like a galaxy wiring around it.

_You asked…now you see_

"…What are you…" Wesker was absolutely stunned, nothing could have prepared him for this

…_I was the first, I pulled my form from the Nothing…before even reality began_

"The first god?" Wesker backed away slightly

_The first lifeform…_

"Your suddenly serious and cryptic…" Wesker was fighting the primal urge to GTFO

…_.Pineapples, coconuts, and cantaloupes…._

"What…." Wesker cocked an eyebrow

_Boob-chart starting with Jill ending with Sherry and Rebecca_

"…Sherry is my niece if you value your life you will not ogle her…" Wesker gave Ja-Er the evil eye

_She's 20 I'm gonna ogle her_

"And if you do I will fucking castrate you and feed your manhood to a T-virus mutated squirrel" Wesker snarled

…_But she's sexy now…and not Chris Hansen bait_

"NO MEANS NO" Wesker roared

…_Fine…_

"Why do you still use telepathy" Wesker was forcing back his emotions now

"Why not?" Ja-Er smirked, his voice a mix of Jamaican, New Yorker, and Russian accents

"Use telepathy…your accent is frightening" Wesker winced

…_And your a Bond villain/Agent Smith wannabe your point_

"I don't have a cat" Wesker grinned

…_touché…Jill and co. are bringing house warming gifts by the way…lets greet them at the door it'll be fucking hilarious _

The doorbell rang

"Hmmm….yes it would be"

Wesker walked to the door, Ja-Er moved into place behind him.

_Ready…_

"Set"

Wesker opened the door

"Hello neighbor we…."

"Why hello Jill and friends, I see you brought your pet Gorilla…oh thats Chris couldn't tell the difference" Wesker chuckled

Jill and friends had gone whiter then a white supremacy meeting

"I'm a professional gynecologist" Ja-Er commented "And I do house calls free"

Ja-Er dramatically points at readers "CLIFFHANGER"

Wesker faceplates, everyone else sweatdrops

END CHAPTER THREE


End file.
